Writer Envy

When I first started my sojourn into the writing world, I took a welcoming path: Fan Fiction. Most fan fiction authors were just like me: beginning writers, learning the craft and yearning to get their stories out of their heads and onto the page. Every once in a while, a new fanfic would come along that everyone went gaga over. I’d rush to read the story and then stop midway in horror. They wrote so much better than I did! They incorporated the action with the dialogue seamlessly, crafted great descriptions, and the most intimidating was the compelling inner dialogue! The most stoic of heartless souls would cry over their keyboard while reading the thoughts of these characters. I read through the comments on the shiny fic: Brilliant! Amazing! Just stunning! I had caught the second worst disease a writer could catch: Writer Envy!

The little green monster latched onto me and sucked away my creative juices. Writer’s block doesn’t begin to describe it, more like writer’s paralysis. This led to contracting the first worst disease a writer could catch: Writer’s Hypo-confidence Syndrome. 

The Envy Spiral

The little green monster latched onto me and sucked away my creative juices. Writer’s block doesn’t begin to describe it, more like writer’s paralysis. This led to contracting the first worst disease a writer could catch: Writer’s Hypo-confidence Syndrome. 

I listed all the reasons I shouldn’t write. I wasn’t a creative writing major—I studied history! Seasoned writers told me that “if you want to write, you have to read.” I have read quite a few books in my time, but 95% were non-fiction. It seemed that every writer I encountered was preloaded into this world with the background and skill set required to write a masterpiece, except me.

I was ready to take down my work—to retire from this writing thing altogether, so  I looked at my reviews one last time before I erased myself from the archive. I had wonderful reviews, too. People loved the humor. They thought my stories were inventive and well-structured. People loved the “Shiny Fic” as well, and for good reason. However, that didn’t mean they didn’t love my work. We had different strengths.

What’s the writer’s secret sauce?

In generative writing workshops, other authors read their work. These are first drafts, just written, so no one expects perfection. I was taken back by one woman’s story set in the South, which had such vivid descriptions that I got breathy as if I were really there in Mississippi’s humidity. The way she wrote complex emotions into a single phrase triggered another episode of Writer Envy.

Again, I stopped, interrupting my page in its tracks. But this time, instead of getting ready to hang up my inkwell forever, I thought: “What does that Mississippi story have that makes it work so well? What is the secret sauce?”

The author used unique sensory details. She incorporated the smell of sweat, the flickering of fireflies, and the sweet taste of cool, minty lemonade. It was precise to a lived experience she knew and felt. I never lived in the South. The dusty desert was my home. Could I incorporate enough sensory details into my own story? Could I make the reader swelter under the hot wind off the front range, and taste the spice of really good salsa?  Totally! As I turned back to my unfinished page, I knew I found the cure for Writer Envy. I needed to answer the question:  WHY do you envy their work? What is the author’s recipe?

Seek Out Writer Envy

Instead of giving up on writing, I learned from the authors I envied. I looked for work I loved that would trigger my Writer Envy and worked on my immunity. Each dazzling work inoculated me and taught me another strategy or practice to bring into my own work.

I am not saying “just get used to writer’s envy”. I am urging you to seek it out. Find that trigger of your envy, and use it. Get specific: Sensory details, character development, and a great plot. Don’t just look at seasoned authors. Hunt the envy everywhere. Therein lies the cure. 

I still suffer from Writer’s hypo-confidence. I don’t think there’s a writer who doesn’t. As far as Writer Envy goes, I hope for it now. Writing isn’t a baking competition with some British Chef screaming at you. It’s a recipe you formulate and experiment with lovingly over time. If you find the right group, it can be an exchange. I found that type of group with fan fiction and now with LAwritersgroup.com. Even if you do not have a group of writers, you can still incorporate the best parts of your favorite writing into your own.  Find a group of novice writers, and seek out that envy. When you have it, you’ve found a special recipe. Use it with your own ingredients.